Two unexpected days off like this often send my head and heart into battle, leaving a flurry of mixed emotions in their wake. Harlie has been sick a lot this year, and since I've passed probation, that initial feeling of panic has disappeared, thankfully. And yet, a lot of couch laying allows my mind to wander and ponder, basically over-analyzing as per usual. The rotation of emotions goes something like this.
Guilt - Once again, wonder mom left for work, ignoring the nagging feeling (almost sub-consciously) until I get THE phone call or email that goes something like this:
Not sure if you guys are already on your way or not. Harlie was a little upset and asked to go to bed in her sleepsaak- I think she may not be feeling very well. She has had a bit of an off day all day. Let me know if you want me to do anything in the meantime.
Worry- I am a world class fretter and just start praying it's not another infection.
Secret Delight - The idea of waking to "Mama!" and not the alarm clock totally pleases me as does the anticipation of all day SNUGGLES!
Dread- I hope that work believes that Harlie really is sick, I mean at least it's not a Friday or Monday. God, I better not start stammering on the phone.
Annoyance- We have the El Dorado County Fair on Saturday and I am going to be TICKED off, if she's still sick. She's always sick at the most inconvenient times.
and finally
Contentment- Despite everything, being home with Harlie when she needs me most gives me such a satisfying, peaceful feeling. It's one the best things about being a parent--having a purpose.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Now if her fever would just go away!
"Lather, rinse, repeat."
ReplyDeleteI love the way you write. This post touched on so many emotions all mothers go through. Gosh, the guilt, not matter the cause, is never ending, right!? I'm sorry that you have to to deal with employer stress, but happy you have a couple days with Harlie all to yourself. And she'll be perfect by Saturday, I just know it!
Oh, Erin. I loved this heart tugging post! I cannot imagine the stress that you must feel with taking time off of work, worrying if Harlie is okay, and trying to balance everything and just be there for her as your priority. I think you are so strong. I'm glad that you have some pleasure from your days together, even though it is unfortunate she is sick. The snuggling and the mama-daughter alone time, is good for you both right now when you're just getting used to her being in day care, and all the changes. I know she will be better in time for the family festivities. I hope you took Friday off too to make extra sure she's at her best. xoxo
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