- I have so many shows on our DVR that I haven't watched and I have no time to catch up before the move. So long crappy tv that I love so much.
- Tonight I put Harlie down to sleep in her room for the last time.
- It makes me sad that things are so crazy that I almost didn't realize it was the last time. I don't want these last times to pass me by. I want to remember.
- What the heck am I going to pack my blankets and other linens in? Do you really put blankets in boxes?
- A glass of wine would be nice right now.
- How much do I sell Harlie's baby stuff for at our garage sale? I secretly want to over-price it all so it doesn't sell. Just another thing I'm not ready for.
- I can't wait for Napa. I hope I can relax and enjoy it. Luckily there will be lots of wine there. That will help.
- I love this house.
Friday, August 13, 2010
On My Mind Tonight
Friday, August 6, 2010
Changes
In two days, I go back to work. Full time. This time it's for real.
Commuting downtown, working 8 hours, in an office. It won't be like last time when I could tap at the computer with you sleeping next to me in your bouncer.
As it stands, you've had enough of me already, since daddy has been gone for 3 days and you miss him something terrible. Tonight, as you threw your fifth monumental tantrum of the day, you screamed "Daddy!" over and over and over at the top of the stairs and you used all your might to push me away. There was no consoling you. You wanted your daddy.
I wonder if this time with you while Daddy and Aust were gone was God's way of preparing me for going back to work. You have been anything but cooperative and SICK to top it all off. Will I feel relieved to walk out that door Monday morning? Will it make coming home that much sweeter? Will you cry for "Mama" while I'm gone?
Can't we fast forward to 6 weeks from now? Aust will be in the swing of things at Cordova and hopefully we'll all be settled in at Grandma and Papa's. I'll be more comfortable at my new job and maybe, hopefully, I'll feel a little more normal. Because right now, all I feel is heartbroken.
I wish I could stop everything, just for a moment.
I need more time.
This isn't how it was supposed to go.
Commuting downtown, working 8 hours, in an office. It won't be like last time when I could tap at the computer with you sleeping next to me in your bouncer.
As it stands, you've had enough of me already, since daddy has been gone for 3 days and you miss him something terrible. Tonight, as you threw your fifth monumental tantrum of the day, you screamed "Daddy!" over and over and over at the top of the stairs and you used all your might to push me away. There was no consoling you. You wanted your daddy.
I wonder if this time with you while Daddy and Aust were gone was God's way of preparing me for going back to work. You have been anything but cooperative and SICK to top it all off. Will I feel relieved to walk out that door Monday morning? Will it make coming home that much sweeter? Will you cry for "Mama" while I'm gone?
Can't we fast forward to 6 weeks from now? Aust will be in the swing of things at Cordova and hopefully we'll all be settled in at Grandma and Papa's. I'll be more comfortable at my new job and maybe, hopefully, I'll feel a little more normal. Because right now, all I feel is heartbroken.
I wish I could stop everything, just for a moment.
I need more time.
This isn't how it was supposed to go.
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