In two days, I go back to work. Full time. This time it's for real.
Commuting downtown, working 8 hours, in an office. It won't be like last time when I could tap at the computer with you sleeping next to me in your bouncer.
As it stands, you've had enough of me already, since daddy has been gone for 3 days and you miss him something terrible. Tonight, as you threw your fifth monumental tantrum of the day, you screamed "Daddy!" over and over and over at the top of the stairs and you used all your might to push me away. There was no consoling you. You wanted your daddy.
I wonder if this time with you while Daddy and Aust were gone was God's way of preparing me for going back to work. You have been anything but cooperative and SICK to top it all off. Will I feel relieved to walk out that door Monday morning? Will it make coming home that much sweeter? Will you cry for "Mama" while I'm gone?
Can't we fast forward to 6 weeks from now? Aust will be in the swing of things at Cordova and hopefully we'll all be settled in at Grandma and Papa's. I'll be more comfortable at my new job and maybe, hopefully, I'll feel a little more normal. Because right now, all I feel is heartbroken.
I wish I could stop everything, just for a moment.
I need more time.
This isn't how it was supposed to go.
This brought tears to my eyes, Erin. So honest and beautifully sincere. You are an amazing mom and I have always thought how much stronger you have always been. I know these next few weeks will be hard, and please know that we are here for anything. As you know, years from now you will look back on this "transition" with less heartache than you have now, although please feel free to call my whenever to vent about it sucking and that will be okay. I love you and your precious family so much. Imma gonna get a sitter one of these afternoons and take you to lunch on your "lunch break"! That's something to look forward to! ;-) Love you, E.
ReplyDeleteTears over here, too. Beautifully written. So honest and insightful. I don't really know what to say except that I too am hear for you for anything, even if it's just to listen to you talk about how much the situation sucks. Yes, a positive attitude can take you far, but sometimes, you just need to vent. I love you, Erin. Sending good vibes your way for a smooth transition. <3
ReplyDeletecrying all the way over here on the East Coast too! My love and prayers go out to you and this tough time of transition and changes. I pray for the time to go quickly and for Harlie and you both to adjust quickly to the situation placed before you! You are one strong momma!
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